Husband Material?

Current Stat

weight: still fat

body fat:  same

daily caloric intake: 1500kcal

water: 2 liters

  work out: work what???? (I said 1/12/12, dammit!!!) 

A few days ago, as I browsed through my twitter timeline judging all of you and feeling self righteous, I came across an interesting tweet. And I quote;

"If you're female and you have a hairy chest, mustache and big yams(calf muscles)......you're a HUSBAND material (20 yards) by default"

        This was funny to me and got me thinking about female bodybuilders. I want to be well toned and I have every intention to lift heavy. Now, when I say toned, I mean, I still want to look like a female with curves and all but i'm pretty sure this is the first thing that came into your minds at the first mention of "female body builder".

LOL!!! The "lady in green" is funny to me. Sexy swim suit. GRRRRRRRRR.

          OK jokes apart, that's not what I want oh. These women are what i'm sure that guy meant by "husband material". But come on guys, look at the bright side (or in their case, the bright curve. LOL! I'm funny, leave me alone), they will have very obedient/faithful husbands and disciplined kids + aristo-girls repellent . Because, if that leg should kick you....K.O...........FATALITY!!

My goal is to look like the women below (but with bigger tatas) by the time I get to my goal weight. I think they're sexy and I admire strong looking women. 

On a serious note though, the poster below says it all. So guys, what do you think?

My Goals

Before attempting anything, you have to be prepared emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Failing to prepare, is preparing to fail.

So, I am still preparing for this oh so public challenge. Honestly, I'm a bit ( French for "a lot ") scared and anxious. I don't want to fail or disappoint myself. Considering I've tried so many times before.

This time, I intend to stick to it. I want this bad. I want this so bad. I read somewhere, that to be successful at this or anything, I have to have clear set of goals. What I want to achieve, how I want to achieve it and when I want to achieve it. So here are my goals.

What I want to achieve: a healthy, well toned body.
How I want to achieve it: clean eating, cardio and lifting heavy.
When I want to achieve it:I want to be at my goal weight 6 months from now.
Long term goal: keep the weight off forever!!!

Current weight: 91KG (thank you so much pounded yam and vegetable soup!!! Damn you!!!!)
Goal weight: 65kg (amen)
Weight loss/week: 2kg (some professionals advice about 1kg/ week -_-. NO!!!!)
Start date: 1/12/2012 (don't judge....remember I have to prepare damnit!)

You could join me, you know. Let's change lives. One pot belly at a time. I'll help you, if you help me.

Learning To Count

current status 

weight - 90kg +-2

body fat - still ridiculous

daily caloric intake - 2000kcal

water - 2 liters

work out - does "trip to fridge * 10" count?

• If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 
• If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count. 
• STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. 
• Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment. experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears. (This is true). 
• All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory related to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach flowing directly down the legs and through the soles of the feet into the floor like electricity. Walking appears to accelerate this process so that an ice cream bar or hot dog eaten at the state fair actually has a calorie deficit. 
• Pies and cakes should be cut neatly in even wedges of slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to "straighten the edges" by slicing away the offending irregularities which have no calories when eaten.

These are a few of the guidelines I have lived by all my life. No one told me those were all jokes. Fast forward >>>>>>> + 25KG later. Overweight, depressed and counting calories like my life depends on it (it does!!). Now a graduate of the university of "counting calories and eating what the hell I want anyways", its still a struggle sticking to the right diet especially when you're eating Nigerian food. 

Its easy to count calories when you're eating foreign foods. They've already been weighed and calculated for you. All you need to do is get some fancy app and it does all the work or maybe ask my very good pal "Google" (shhhhhh, he knows everything).

Anyways, try imputing "Ogi" or "moimoi" into that app. Yep, go on, I'll wait!
So....... how did that go? I bet you got the bitchy "no results found" response. I did too. So I decided to learn calorie counting myself ( and by learn, I mean visited this free site that helps you calculate the caloric content of recipes) . As a very wonderful person that I am (shut up!),  I'm gonna list the caloric content of a few of our favorite Nigerian foods just for you mortals.

• Porridge beans (1/2 cup with palm oil)/serving - 845.2 kcal
• Jollof rice (1/2 cup with vegetable oil) / serving - 240.5 kcal
• ogi (corn without sugar or milk)/serving - 305 kcal
• ogi (corn with sugar and lowfat milk)/serving - 345.7 kcal
• Fried plantain/serving - 466.4 kcal
• Boiled yam/serving - 188.4 kcal
• Fried yam/serving - 548.3 kcal
• Egusi soup/serving - 653.9 kcal
• MoiMoi - 866.9 kcal

You can visit http://www.fitwatch.com/database/analyzer.php to calculate the caloric content of other recipes.

On a totally unrelated topic, how long do you think it'll take before I get my Nobel prize in the mail?

 Mat·ter   /ˈmatər/
Noun:
Physical substance in general, as distinct from mind and spirit; (in physics) that which occupies space and possesses rest mass.

 I am matter. I have weight (93kg worth) and I occupy space (miles). I'm not a writer or anything fancy. I'm just the not-so-proud owner of a cheap dell laptop and free internet and you're going  on a really, really weird journey with me. Yep!! We're going to Fitville !!

Fitville  /fitVillé/
Noun: a fictional place I just made up to sound cool.

What I was trying to say is, I want you to come on a journey with me as I transform my body from bleh to DAMN!!!!!!! (omg! cheesy).

So put on your exercise clothes and step away from that chocolate chip cookie. Yes you, step.....away....from....the.....cookie.